Maybe I'm just exceptionally depressed today, because of this whole week. On Monday I got my car, and me and BF's dad drove it back. So then we had to take his dad back down to Denver and the BF took them. An hour later I get news that they got hit by a truck...while they were in a tiny Corolla. I was so scared for them. I got no info from the ER or family members in the ER with them. I had to stay home and watch the in-law's children. Finally at 4am, they came home from the ER.
BF had a bill of $3,000, moderate to severe whiplash, deep tissue bruising, and a dislocated shoulder. He's still hurting. They put him on so much vicodin that you would think he'd drop dead, but he's still in a bit of pain. His neck and back are so swollen and he's been sitting upstairs by the fireplace, just not wanting to hear anything. :/ On top of that, the person who hit them was a drunk driver who was "not drunk enough to be charged" and he had open containers he was pouring out IN FRONT of the cops. He was so drunk he poured it on himself. And the kicker? They didn't cite him and just let him drive off from the scene! His insurance company can't even get a hold of him, he would not report the claim so we did it for him. We don't know yet is the Corolla is headed for the scrapyard, but it's such a good car...I feel bad for it, it's put up with BF's need to drive it into the damn ground. And another lovely tidbit about the used Corolla...it doesn't have airbags! Great way to find out, right?

Aside from that, I got my car. It's a dark blue little 98 Taurus. I love her. BF named her Mississippi Queen. :) Drives so smooth, I love her. So far, I just need to get her into emissions, hope the title goes through, and get my license. Also gotta replace a turn signal light (easily done) and the side view mirror, when I bought it, the mirror was duck taped and screwed on.
I already went through the OH SO FUN changing of the flasher in the car. There were 12 other things that looked the same. Thank goodness BF's stepdad is a mechanic and nice enough to help. So all in all...maybe $125 or so bucks left to put into her. Insurance was a bitch because I have my permit still and it's my first time on the insurance. Oy vey. Whatever, I'm happy I can just go sit in my car and turn the key for now. It's nice to see things change.

So, on January 23rd...Gigabyte, my sweet little guinea pig lost his battle with various chronic illnesses. The night before he died, I couldn't even force feed him or do anything with him. I put him away and went to bed because I knew he was telling me he was done. We'd been through this for weeks. I hoped, in some insane part of my mind, he'd be okay the next day, eating and making noises. But he wasn't. I woke at 7am to him seizuring. I tried so hard to comfort him. In the end, he developed a lesion in his brain that would not let him walk again or eat properly, and that is no life for a vibrant, loving pet. So at 10am that day, GB went to the bridge. It makes me cry to write this and feel horrible to let his life end and also horrible to think I dragged it out. He was never in any severe pain, I gave him the best care I could. I miss him so much. Yesterday I got his ashes back in a tiny little oak urn. At least he's back with me, I guess. But it still hurts. Boyfriend had to drive me and his mom gave us hell before we left. She damn near made me cry, she said picking up his ashes was a waste of time. I wanted to ask why picking up her dog's ashes (he died earlier this year) was such a big fucking deal when BF had to drop everything and go get them. But I didn't, I just walked out the door and refused to speak with her. He followed me and took me to the vet to pick up GB's ashes, and we cried. We had a little ceremony for GB. Now it's so empty here. It's dead quiet all day.

Then, today, I was contacted by someone I was friends with for 10 years. I don't even know what to say because she is close to someone who caused my fall. I don't know if I stick it out and stick up for myself to see my friend, or outright wash my hands of my past.

The problem is, in the end, I can't remember anything good from the last 17 years. Everything's stained by the corruption of betrayal and abuse. These last two years are all I've got. The loving moments I had with BF and my little Gigabyte. All I've got is now. I'll be damned if I waste it.